It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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