and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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