...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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