i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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