you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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