ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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