Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just send me my own nude
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize