So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize