can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
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Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
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Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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