I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
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We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
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Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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