I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
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She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
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Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
my penis made a compromise with my morals
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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