I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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