Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
wow bdsm is so cute
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