i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
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Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
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Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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