You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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