can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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