I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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