I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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