The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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