yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
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Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
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WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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