yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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