You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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