I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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