Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
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I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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