***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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