Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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