can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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