Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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