I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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