I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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