I seem to have left my pride at pride
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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