Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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