So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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