i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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