Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
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How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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