Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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