Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
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