The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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