so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize