I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
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I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
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Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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