I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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