Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
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Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
did you just send me my own nude
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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