Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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