take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
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I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
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It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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