Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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