dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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