There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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