My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize