he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
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Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
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Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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