hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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